A Change of Season

The things hardest to bear are sweetest to remember.
--Lucius Annaeus Seneca



This past week I have watched the world around me change. I've sat in the cool Autumn air and participated in something special. The beauty of changing leaves. Leaves fluttering through the air, canvasing the sky. All is quiet. I have had too much time to think, my mind racing and wandering at every turn. So amidst this confusion and beauty I stand as the world spins around me. I stand before you a man, a dreamer, a hopeful romantic.

Sometimes during the beauty and awe of a situation, we forget the underlying truths, that as wondrous as these now falling leaves are, they are falling. Once the leaves have given their beauty to the world, and the trees lay empty the leaves remain on the ground, forgotten until the next chapter. It's a reminder of frailty, of how quickly we can lose something that moments before we took for granted. I love the sound of falling leaves. I love the colors. But all is growing cold now, winter is fast approaching and the world is receding into its shell, preparing for the hard times ahead.

I will stand and face the cold, no jacket on my back, or shoes on my feet. I have been doing my best to embrace this change of season, I have watched the leaves around me fall. I Have tried to gather them together into a pile, but each day there are more to clean up. Eventually, there will be no more leaves to rake, no more leaves to fall, and we will be left with barren trees and frosted Earth. I'm not sure if I yet welcome that eventuality for as long as there are leaves to rake, Autumn is not over.

I am not yet prepared for winter, but will do my best to shoulder the cold.


The pine stays green in winter... wisdom in hardship.
--Norman Douglas



Be well unto others, and yourselves.

JD

Quote

Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words they become your actions. Watch your actions they become your habits. Watch your habits they become your character. Watch your character it becomes your destiny. -

Lao Tze

Yeh

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when the day is done, that's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life



Not really a quality post but, yeh.

Be well Unto others, and yourselves

JD

Our Future

-------Things are going to slide, slide in all directions-------
--------------------Won't be nothing--------------------
-------------------------------------Nothing you can measure anymore-------------------------------------
--------------The blizzard, the blizzard of the world--------------
------has crossed the threshold------
--------------------------and it has overturned--------------------------
-----------------------------------the order of the soul-----------------------------------
-----------------------When they said REPENT,-----------------------

I wonder what they meant?

Leonard Cohen-1992



I have been thinking a lot about the future, not specifically my future but our future. Life and the World.

The future of the world.. 

What will it be? 

       I hear broken conversations on the street, bits of telecasts, and people preaching for repentance at my own school. I see crumbling homes, polluted water, dusty air with no end in sight. I see this and yet, I keep passing it by, commenting and even writing about it. I try in many ways to make a difference, and I know I succeed. I make actions everyday to improve the quality of life, and our world. 

How many times have you commented on the state of our world? 

What have you seen that made you think twice about its condition?

When have you tried to make a difference?

There are many out there who do, have, and continue to fight. Their actions are commendable. Their will is absolute. Their drive....... is that of OUR world. They fight to keep it strong, even at the expense of themselves.  They continuously try to make it better, not just for themselves but for our future. It's impressive. Thinking about that makes my heart well, it fills me with a passion to fight a bigger cause. I am only one person, one man, with one will, strong and absolute. Together though, joined with the will of many, power grows. It gleams. One action at a time. One day at a time. One year at a time. One moment at a time. Hmm......Time. Time marches on, even if our future halts. Here's a riddle from a sweet ass book that I read as a boy.
This thing all things devours:
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;
Gnaws iron, bites steel;
Grinds hard stones to meal;
Slays king, ruins town
And beats high mountain down.

We all have to try and change the world, make it better, keep it strong, all for the sake of our future. If we don't, who will?

It's time, for me to make a difference. It's time for you to make a difference. Maybe you already are, maybe you have and maybe you will.

Either way, It's Time.

Be well unto others, and yourselves.

JD

We are twice armed if we fight with faith.

Faith and doubt both are needed - not as antagonists, but working side by side to take us around the unknown curve.
--Lillian Smith


         I awoke this morning to a gleaming sun, chirping birds, and a familiar emptiness. Something that has followed me my entire life, I am constantly doing battle with. Sheer power of will can breakdown just about any obstacle or wall in your path. The belief in the ability and power of ones self, is the cornerstone of having tremendous will. The will and courage to face the dark, stand tall and know that no matter the outcome you will be victorious. The will to step into the darkness, trusting solely in faith, knowing that your path is guided. The will to embrace the the dark and even take a little bit of it into yourself. So, this familiar emptiness, let's talk about that.


          My entire life I have always wanted more. I have always wanted to do better, be better, achieve higher feats, chase after impossible dreams and goals, and make the world mine. I will push myself to the limit of my being to achieve a goal I find worth fighting for, no matter the detriment to myself. It is simply how I roll, and I like it. The issue with my headstrong and balls out philosophy, is a constant weighing, a strain on my faith, on my heart. I need to re-affirm my faith often,  believe in myself and my ability, and trust that GOD has my back covered. Call it the Grandest Leap of Faith. Even when things seem their darkest; will depleted, faith strained, heart weakened, mind weary. I lift my head to the LORD, and know it is where my help comes from. I Breathe in knowing, that I am shrouded in his white light and protection. I am twice armed, with the LORD at my side. I let his presence fill me and grow with warmth. The dark, or the uncertainty of the future, holds many chasms. There is only now, not when, for some who wander into the darkness, don't make it back. Even if you're only 24. Maybe that's part of my feeling of emptiness today, Life is intense. Make sure the people you love, the friends you cherish are close to you. Don't let them slip away because of time or fear, or being too busy.  Carpe Diem.  Make it yours, and those close to you. Life is as fragile as it is wonderful.

And together, we ALL leap into the darkness. 


R.I.P Linda Dowling. You will so totally be missed.  IU <3

"Oh, how precious time is! Blessed are those who know how to make good use of it. Oh, if only all could understand how precious time is, undoubtedly everyone would do his best to spend it in a praiseworthy manner!" - -Padre Pio

Faith has to do with things that are not seen and hope with things that are not at hand. 
--Thomas Aquinas 


All who call on God in true faith, earnestly from the heart, will certainly be heard, and will receive what they have asked and desired.  --Martin Luther


As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.  ---Emmanuel Teney 

Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.
----Saint Augustine

He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well - even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly.
----B. C. Forbes

In the affairs of this world, men are saved not by faith, but by the want of it.
---Benjamin Franklin

That deep emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning power, which is revealed in the incomprehensible universe, forms my idea of God. 
----Albert Einstein

To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible. ----Thomas Aquinas

If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm.  ---Mohandas Gandhi

We are twice armed if we fight with faith.  ----Plato


They're my quotes for the day.

Be well unto others, and yourselves.

JD

Raise Your Glasses High!

I find myself sitting amongst glasses, all the time. Some half filled, some half empty, and others bone dry.



“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.”
― George Carlin



              Now, these glasses were not always so, at one point they were quite full. They provided comfort, nurture, satisfaction and fulfillment.. They sit there now, stained from what it was that used to fill them, just waiting for some kind of refreshment. Something to make them have a purpose, to bring them back to their full glory. But the inevitable truth is that the glasses can not fill themselves, they need some kind of outside participation to bring that to fruition. The frustrating part is the glasses start to collect, to build, and it makes the task of rinsing them off and filling them again that much harder. That much more difficult.

          So how is it we fill these glasses back up, when what once filled them may no longer be appetizing or available? Some of the glasses will never be filled again, they had their own purpose and must be recycled, sometimes they are the hardest ones to give up. It is when we are able to accept this, that we find new glasses to fill, and old glasses that need a little tender loving care. We are able set the empty, stained glasses aside, knowing that what they once held was important. The task of finding new glasses to fill becomes less daunting, and we find that the uncertain is not so scary anymore, knowing that even if the glass were to spill, it can always be filled again. Maybe not with the same substance but, something even more intriguing. Intriguing, because we have taken it upon ourselves to explore, to experience, and learn. Take the old glasses that still have substance and find a way to nurture them back to health. Know that in time you will find a way to fill it, or a way to let it go.

Do not fear an empty glass, embrace it for what it was and recycle it. Do not fear change or uncertainty, know that the lesson lies in the chase for that truly delectable substance. Do not fear Life. It is truly in-fucking-credible. MY GOD, LOVE LIFE!!!!!! GET THE FUCK OUT THERE AND LOVE IT!!!! Do chase what scares you, because if something honestly frightens you it's because it holds real weight.

So, what am I getting at here?

         Say goodbye to what used to be or what was, embrace what is and what will come, know that the future holds no bounds. Most of all trust in those that love you for they will always trust in you. Love. Know that Love transcends everything and is constantly felt in the ether, if you are willing to share it. Find a new glass to share with someone else, and the adventure of filling it together. Share your glasses with eachother, and raise them high!


So, again what am I getting at?




The glass isn't half empty, or full. It's just waiting for a little refreshment.






That's my play on words for the day.



Be well unto others, and yourselves.

JD

Love it, Live it, Enjoy it

                                       LIFE    

   WHEW. Take a breath, relax, exhale and enjoy. LIFE. <--- Hey look the capitalized words say " Whew, Life." How many times have you found yourself saying or even paraphrasing those words.Yeah, me too. It's incredible, the facets and intricacies that life involves. ever changing opportunity to life altering devastation. You cant have one without the extreme. Life will pass you by, in an instant. Look left, then right, and how about up and down. Take a breath. Appreciate and enjoy what's around you. Weeks to years. There will always be Joy as there will always be sadness, Life. Okay, rambling aside let me continue. Thanks, you're a peach. So, okay here we go. Let's begin. Something I have always admired is the sky, especially in Autumn. You can't beat it.

                                                              Not as skies go at least. 

Okay maybe an insane party with trapeze artists, an elephant, dancing seals and tricycle riding midget cowboys......

And yes I mean midgets who coincidentally are cowboys.

                                 So basically the circus......on a night...in Autumn. LOVE.  

                                                     ( Insert Awesome Mental Image Here )

        Man, see I'm the kind of guy where if the sky is looking impeccable I will stop in my tracks, lie down and stare endlessly at the sky. It makes me think, it lets me dream like an canvas waiting for my inspiration. Possibility. My god, the possibility. Not to mention the beautiful temperature and the texture of fallen, rustling leaves under my body. miniature portraits of growth, of death and LIFE. Why, would you look at that! 


"Love Life." 


True appreciation of the world around us, it's simple beauties to its most majestic sunsets; creates a genuine passion for the smallest detail it offers. Hmmm I should quote that.

          Any who Listen, check this out. Tomorrow when you walk out of door, at whatever time wherever the heck you are, STOP and look around, even for a minute. Find something to appreciate, a mother walking with her children, the dew of morning, old friends eating in a cafe, the rise of the sun over trees and clouds of rouge, the silence and subtly of 3am. ENJOY it all. Check it out. It's fun. I promise. :-)  "Stop, Enjoy"?




"Like a river flows, surely to the sea
Darlin' so it goes, somethings are meant to be..

Take my hand take my whole life too for I cant help
falling in love with you

for I cant help falling in love with...... you."


                      Now, imagine a couple in their 80's, locked in a gaze, speaking into each others eyes, singing together as if it was the moment they fell in love. 

                                                            Talk about appreciation




Oh and as for the "Stop, Enjoy" part, it goes with the theme.




                                                LIFE
                                                                     

                                   ---Man, it's sweet. Love it, live it, enjoy it.---



Be well unto others, and yourselves.

JD

Who you gonna' call?

  Ghostbusters? Sure, why not. 

Woah. Just simply put, without the use of any words but one. Woah. Have you ever picked up one of those little books with all the pretty pictures in the corner? If so, then you know the feeling you get and that insatiable urge to grab the corner and flip. Images whizzing by. Each in themselves passing glances that make up only a part of the whole story. So, you keep flipping hoping to understand the entire message. I picked up a photo album a few weeks back, well actually I picked up about six, that spanned over fifty years of memories encapsulated on paper. Intense. I did not realize then the effect this action would have on me. Equal or opposite reactions, and what not. But, as I flipped through Vietnam and the big hair of the sixties, making my way to the leather of the 70's, it hit me. LIFE. The world has inevitably changed, but the look on the faces of the past ring evidently into the present. Joy, passion, love, want and all of the above.

                                                                                                                                   
"There’s a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we’re often told, "seek and ye shall find" 

-Someone to watch over me, sometimes you wish you were always able to watch over others.-

I was not alone in my adventure, however. There was in fact a co-pilot on my journey, a navigator of sorts.
We stumbled upon the early 1980's, and that's when life really smacked me in the face. I sat there like a dog caught in the act, tail between my legs, staring. What started out as a showcase of my Mother and immediate family growing up in south Philly, opened the door to a different area. An area that I don't talk about much, let alone show anyone. And here I was, no turning from it, changing the subject, or flipping the page, just the undeniable truth staring right back back at us from the page. His name was Robert Glenn Brown, and he is my father. We have never met, nor shall we ever, this a fact that I have made peace with.


But how do you make peace with a situation that you have no control over, or that wasn't your doing? Where can you find the forgiveness necessary to let go? In yourself. We alone have a boundless capacity for forgiveness, call it evolution, or call it a soul. However you define it is up to you but the immuteable truth is that we, in our hearts posses boundless limits of forgiveness. Think about it: You're at a party in which a drink is spilled on your shirt, initial reaction "What the fuck, I just got this shirt!" Anger, frustration. Natural responses to a negative stimulus. Maybe the person meant to spill the drink on you maybe it was an accident. Either way, it doesn't matter. You could retaliate and get angry with the person, maybe you'll get an apology, maybe a bruised ego and a couple broken bones. Where does that leave you then? Completely at peace with the situation? No, still frustrated and thinking now to yourself how you could of kicked his ass if you hadn't been drinking, or that he wasn't really sorry and didn't want to get his ass beaten. So who do you turn to? Where do you look for an answer? Inward. Sure, you may be thinking " Uh, that's just a spilled drink, not something serious." Of course the situations are different but the act of forgiving is the same, definitely harder, quite possibly more frightening, but the same. Because not only is it an act of forgiving others, but also an act of forgiving ourselves. For years I harbored feelings that my father leaving was because of me, "I had just been born and I drove him away". Later in life, I began to resent my Father for not wanting me, and never being there when I needed his guidance the most. "Where are you when I need you most?" Further on I began to deny the fact that I ever needed a father, that "I was better off without him". Next I felt pity for the man, that he would never know a son like me, the endless bounds of my love and commitment, my passion for what is right and just, but mostly the humor and personality that his son possesses. It was the start to my path of forgiveness. It wasn't easy and took me the better part of my life to achieve, but when I was able to admit to myself that it was okay, that my feelings were justified and correct, and it was okay to have them, that I was able to accept it. I was able to forgive the man for his faults in life, we are only human, and so is he.

Do I want him in my life, no.

Do I ever want to meet him, no.

Do I love him, yes.

 Without him I would have never been brought into this world. I owe that to the man, he may not have had direct influence in raising me, but his blood lives on in me. We are only human, and so am I. He chose his path in life, as do we all. He caused uncountable moments of sadness, as we all feel. But this is life, it doesn't stop for anyone and so we push forward, and choose not to get lost in the dust. I will never receive an apology from him, or find any closure to the situation, except that which I find in myself. So why harbor ill will, towards something you have no control over? Forgive yourself first for feeling what all humans feel, then in your boundless capacity, choose your path, and forgive others.

It's okay.


I have found peace in believing in the endless bounds of Forgiveness, Love and Faith.

A part of me used to wonder what could have been different, how would my life be now, if he were still in it. I have made my peace with that. Then I heard it, the question I knew was coming, " Is that him?" Three words that echoed in my brain, resonating in the back of my skull, I answered with a short, "Yep, that's my father." It hit me yet again. I realized that no one in my life, besides my immediate family, had ever been privy to seeing him. Yet the feelings I expected to arise, did not. There was actually a peace in talking about him that I has previously never experienced. It threw me back, there was no resentment, or anger, or frustration. I sat there reeling, deer in headlights, old lady being flashed by a teenager or whatever term you use. I was able to share him with someone very close to my heart and I felt good about it. I felt great, a weight lifted from my chest. Deep breath. In, out, in.  In forgiving myself and forgiving him, I was finally able to be happy about the situation in my heart. So we talked about him, the first time I ever talked about him, I let it all out while my friend listened, and it felt good. An odd sense of peace. My own form of closure.

So what's stopping you? 

Forgiveness, Love and Faith


Thank you for helping me finally be at peace.


Forgiveness In the act of forgiving we are able to forgive ourselves.

Love Love is only defined by the amount we are able to love ourselves.

Faith Faith in ourselves and the Lord, knowing that we are only human.

Be well unto others, and yourselves.

JD

-When you forgive, you in no way change the past -
                                   -but you sure do change the future-

Is it really Ironic?

Websters defines Irony as the "incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result". That is at least one of it's definitions, the one that is most pertinent to the idea of this message. Now when most people think of Irony they think of funny or be it humorous situations, most tend to miss the subtle Irony that surrounds us in everyday life. We are taught from a young age certain patterns of behavior to avoid and to embrace. Now the biggest issue with that is free will and the existing possibilities to break the norm. Now not all pre-learned "normalities" are bad, you are taught to stay away from strangers, chew with your mouth closed, and excuse yourself when you break wind. These things are chalked up to common sense and courtesy, but why? Because our past has proven them to be so. Now whether or not you want to live via the past is not the issue, it's taking what advice you can in strides and applying it to your methodology.


The biggest problem with my generation is the sheer overwhelming fact that we just don't listen. We are children born into the "Y" generation, but to make these examples easier it will be refered to as the "why". This is so because of technological and cultural advances in our time, the "why" has found basis to question everything. From human evolution to the importance of excusing one self for passing gas the "why" is insatiable. We have taken the advice of ages and thrown it out the window, deemed it to be archaic. So what exactly have we done? We've taken positive moral messages, and wholesome values and replaced them with sex, drugs, and violence. Now mind you, the pre-mentioned activities have always been present in society yes, but it wasn't until the "why" that they were truly glorified in the mass media. And trust there are many more examples worth mentioning but for the sake of sanity I will keep them brief. Here's a good one for you, we are taught as children not to be reckless with other peoples hearts and not to let others be reckless with ours. I mean it's human nature to want to be loved but in so many cases where one party is not reciprocating the feelings the relationship ends with one side being more particularly troubled than before. Now one would think that after and incident like this the party would wise up and learn from the situation. Generally though that is not the case, we have been shown from our past that we are to go to school, graduate, get married, buy a house and continue the trend, for it is what our fathers before us have always done. People fall into this quarry and seek love and attention in whatever way they can find it, most time subjugating themselves to abuse, humiliation, pain, and sadness, simply because it is what has been ingrained into the head. 

"The "why" is slowly starting to break this trend but, since it is more open idea it is getting a bit out of hand. The media is a tool be it good or bad it simply is. What's hot right now? Like I said sex, drugs, violence. Why ? It sells, hell forget morals and values let's make the money right? Defineately. It has always been about making money I don't care when the hell you grew up that's the basics. That fact has not changed what has changed is decency and chivalry. Sadly, chivalry is on the same path as the dodo and decency has been long since stowed away in the back of the storage closet. Now at this point if you are still reading great, you might be wondering where the hell am I going with this. Well, go back to the first sentence, and apply it to this entire letter. We've gone from positive moral values to debauchery and murder. We have taken advice given and thrown it back, claiming this is a new world. We have given power to the media, instead of letting the media give power to us. Girls and boys alike see sex and promiscuity as a relaxed hobby or pastime, something which was not inherintely taught. So overall take a look at the past few hundred years, yes technology has advanced and cultures have flourished but in reality the only thing that has really changed, is the date. How's that for irony.


I wrote this only 3 years ago, but it feels as though a lifetime has passed. Although I still believe in the message of this letter, I understand why and for what I wrote it. I was still desperately trying to find a place, a niche, an area in which I belonged. I too was searching for the why. I am not innocent, I am not with out faults, and I am sure as hell not as lost as I once was. Sure I have no idea where this journey will take me but, I know now that I have a place where I belong, a place where I am totally comfortable. That place is LIFE. I see everyday as a bright new opportunity filled the possibilities of the ages, and I see it this way because I believe and I have faith in why we are here. So in summation, my views of the past compared to my views now, why and how I have changed, could in itself be Ironic?

"The incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result". 

I'll tell you what, how my life has turned out is completely different from my expected result three years ago. I wonder why?

+1 Life.

Oh, and

+1 Maturity

New beginnings, recollections on the past.

I have been pondering for days now, what to write about in this "blog". Should it be clever musings, or anecdotes that I find particularly amusing? A deep and complex look into my own psychi? Or random, sometimes incoherent ramblings spewed from my brain in times of fevered thinking. As I sat and pondered this I wondered how exactly I got to the point with which I now reside. What has brought me to this juncture in my life? And what particular events shaped who I now am. Now THAT was some deep thinking, right there. I decided to start simply and logically, thanks to some thought provoked by a fellow, and long time Blogger. How I have grown, what changes have occurred in me, and how my outlook on this wonderous life has been altered. The man I now am, although at it's core remains, and the boy I once was. I found a few things I wrote not too many years ago, but noticeably different from the mindset I now control. Let us examine.


---So I won't hesitate no more, no more

1. I hate wearing pants.

2. For some reason I find shaving cream highly amusing.

3. When I was young I couldn't pronounce my name, so I always said Jah-oo-wah

4. In 5th grade I went nuts on my teacher, cursed her out, threw a desk, and ran out of school.

5. In 3rd Grade I cursed out my teacher, told her she was a bitch, and said she couldn't teach.

6. In 6th grade my antics caused a teacher of mine to have a nervous breakdown and she was out of school for a few weeks.

7. I think when I was young I had some authority issues.

8. My entire life I've wanted to move to Europe, get a job in some small town and live simply and happily for the rest of my life.

9. I daydream 80% of the day, everyday.

10. I absolutely love to cook, but rarely eat what I do cook when finished.

11. I pulled the muscle(Rhomboid) connecting my spinal cord to my scapula ( shoulder blade ), by hitting a big ass bong too hard.

12. I daydream myself to sleep every night.

13. I can only fall asleep with the TV on if it's a program I'm not interested in.

14. Writing is a huge passion of mine, if I thought I could make a living doing it, I would.

15. I've never met my father.

16. I listen to at least one vinyl record every day.

17. One day I will be very famous.

18. I own a bottle of Love Spell hand lotion, and love the smell.

19. I am extremely laid back, sometimes to the point of not caring about anything, except my family and friends.

20. If It wouldn't hurt my family and loved ones I would move around the world exploring everything.

21. Sometimes I feel that I don't belong.

22. I think everyone should have their heart broken, it gives you a whole new perspective on life.

23. I am completely in awe and fascinated by the stars and the sky.

24. I think not enough people appreciate the beauty of the world around them.

25. Up until 8th grade I was a soprano 1.


-I really wish i was your teacher. I think it would have been a hell of a trip. And a good one...a REAL good one.-

Words can mean the Earth.I wrote this one late evening ( not the above quote, that was said by a dear friend) after reading a post made by a friend. The challenge was to write 25 random “facts” about yourself. I of course decided to use this as an outlet for humor ( As I tend to use most things for ) But, at the same time there were certain things I was bitter about. I’ve Italicized and underlined the “facts” that have remained un-changed, a constant within myself. I’ve made bold those which I wrote to express discontentment, with my own life.

I still hate wearing pants, if I could I’d walk around all day with my Jim Johnson out for the world to see. Sometimes the simplest pleasures remain the most desired. I would still like to move to a rural town, possibly in the mountains of Spain or Italy, settle down and live a quaint, happy and content life. Wherein I find happiness and joy in everything around me, sustained by my own imagination and love. I would daydream myself to sleep along side of my deepest loved one, every night knowing, that they too are content. I would spend my days writing, learning and gaining all of the knowledge possible to feed a never ending hunger. My Father. To this very day I have never met him. For a long time I held resentment, although if you asked me I’d respond with a huge “ Who needs him anyway, I turned out great without him.” Inside though, there was a sort of emptiness. It took me a long time to let go and be at peace, but when I was finally able it was a weight lifted from my soul. I was able to stop trying to please others and make them happy with what I was, and gained a huge amount of confidence knowing that I am, who I am. I wanted to be so famous everyone would know my name, not for the sense of accomplishment but solely the fame. I’ve learned that in this Journey of Life it is our actions that define us, and not the end result. I don’t care if I’m ever a superstar but knowing that those who love me see me as one, is gratification enough. I’m still superbly laid back, confident, happy, charming etc. I’ve gained the ability through the years to channel that energy to the right means to further myself and my goals. One day I will travel, I will see the world, and I will share it with my love. Meaning, I want my life to a vessel of happiness not only for me, but for those whom associate themselves with me, and who love me. Maybe I don’t belong. I had this feeling of being an outsider, as many others have felt before. But mine was so because of my personality and my own fears and insecurities. I am crazy, eccentric, outgoing, wild, loud, obnoxious, charming, and out of control. I used to feel like I would never find someone that would make me feel content with that, but there are those who understand me, and I am forever in their debt. They have shown me that it is okay to stand alone, even though I thought I previously understood that the support always helps.  I think everyone should have their heart broken, it gives you a whole new perspective on life. I don’t wish this pain upon anyone. I wrote that in spite, out of hurt and sadness in a time of depression, when I thought I’d never find the light. I can agree it gives you a new appreciation for life and for those around you. I hurt for a long time, but in the end I made peace and was able to feel that strongly again. If anything it showed me that you have to grasp on to the people in life that make you feel love, even if you’re scared, afraid, timid or unsure. When you have that connection, when you find someone that makes you want to be better than yourself, makes you feel so deeply that all you can do is beam. Hold on and never let go. Chase it no matter how far, and know that no matter the outcome you made the right choice. The last two kind of go one in the same. There is no greater source of bewilderment than that of nature. The sky, day or night, is an infinite source of wonder. To this day I still take the time to lay down, and look up for not enough people truly appreciate that which surrounds them.
--By the way,I think you are super fantastic. Everything about you. You will be famous...and 80% worth of day dreaming will take you places that not many people ever get to experience. Consider it a gift.--

At the time those words were written I was still bitter, I found no solace in them and did not understand the meaning. I read it again for the first time in years, yesterday and it brought me almost to tears ( not quite because as a man I do not cry…….humor is my crutch ;-) ) I finally understood, I owe so much to the one that wrote this. These few sentences erased a long time of uncertainty in seconds, and made me realize what it is I should have always known. Thank you. You have helped to make me stronger, and I will always stand by you, through thick and thin.


A lot of text I know, first Blog entry and a lot to say, I truly hope you are still reading because I have more to say.
But think I'll save it for another post.
I will end this by saying I will forever be happy and forever loved. I know what Love is. Undying, everlasting, and unchanging. And nothing along my journey, will alter that.

Be well unto others.